Mission Update

Hello to all. This is Nathan Price, missionary on assignment in Honolulu, Hawaii, fresh off of spreading the word of Christ from the belly of Africa, the dreaded Congo. I have been sent to lead the young souls of Punahou School toward the path of the lord, but I must say it has been difficult thus far.

I've been told that the juveniles of this institution are among the finest in this great nation, but their indifference to the word of our lord is astounding. Do not these souls, obviously the sons and daughters of heretics and sinners, possess but a thought to the sacrifice of Christ? They are empty, hardened, obsessed with nothing but the material things in this world, content to foul their air with swearwords and flatulence, part of a game they seem to like calling "safety" or "doorknob". Do not these children have a sense of decency?! I see the girls, as young as 13, flaunting their bodies openly, without but a thought to self respect. They are but WHORES in training!!! They must realize the depth of their SINS!!!

I cannot hope to enlighten them if they remain closed off and cold. Even at the young age of fifteen many of them are too far gone for me to rescue. They need to help themselves, for when such pitied souls stray from the path of god, they must realize it and REPENT!!!

I'd have more luck converting monkeys, whose empty, blank minds can be molded, than with these pitiful souls, befouled and corrupted by pop culture. This could be my hardest mission yet. - Nathan Price